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Hi Angela,
We’re happy to see you here! And never fear, you aren’t the only one (though many people prefer to DIY rather than comment in the forum, which is fine!).
I think what you said about “struggling to be creative enough” is something a lot of people can relate to. Though to me that implies that we should be expected to think our way into solutions, when that’s usually not possible! It takes getting outside of ourselves and experimenting to find solutions, which is what you’ve done by being here! 🙂
Hey Samantha!
Good question! I think there could be some truth to the notion that we attract people like ourselves, and we naturally cluster in groups of likeminded people. And I can also see how partners could benefit from balance in their relationship, so that it’s beneficial to have two people with seemingly opposite profiles. But that said, I’ve met plenty of people who have partners with the same profile as them, and with friends who have different profiles. I think when you sample enough people, you get pretty much every combination you can think of among friends and partners, so I don’t think it’s totally possible to draw any concrete conclusions!
And as for a book, it’s one of those things that we will probably do eventually, but just haven’t gotten around to yet. We’ve been producing a lot of other things over the past few years — courses, and then a podcast — that there was never quite enough time or energy for something as monumental as a book. But I think when we both feel it’s the right time, we’ll probably give it a go!
Hi Mary,
As long as you have an updated version of Adobe, you should be fine! But if you’re worried you can always copy and paste your answers in a Word Doc! I know I’ve done that sometimes when I was concerned about losing my work.
And I’m glad you’re loving what you’re learning so far! And I agree — it would have been great to know this stuff much earlier in life! Now that you know, though, hopefully you can spread the word to young people who may need to hear it. 🙂
Gey Gillian!
Glad that made sense. As far as moving forward, I think it’s always easiest to start where with where you are. So, what shifts would need to happen in your current environment to help you feel more of those Firestarter values? Clearly the Thriver values are mostly getting met (but don’t assume that fully! There may be some aspects of that that could be better, too). There could be some changes that are within your capacity to make — or within your ability to ask for — that might allow for more flexibility, autonomy, creativity, or freedom (or any of the other traditional Firestarter values). But a lot of the time we assume things “are how they are,” and don’t bother trying to make any changes. It can be an interesting thought experiment to throw out old assumptions (even just hypothetically) to allow yourself to chew on the situation from a different perspective. Let me know how it goes! 🙂
Hey Cleo!
Glad that was helpful!
I’m glad you listed some things that you appreciate about your current job. Those are definitely Thriver qualities! And even though it may not be perfect, I think it’s always good to find reasons to be grateful for things that DO work for you, because life is rarely just one thing (good or bad, black or white, right or wrong, etc). We can spend a lot of time focused on what’s NOT working (and working ourselves into really bad moods and ruts) and no time at all finding the good in what IS working (which typically uplifts us and makes it easier to get through the day).
Sometimes it can be hard to tell how a workplace is going to be before you get in there. But this was a good experience in that now you can ask questions in an interview setting to head this kind of problem off, in the future. It’s totally OK to say, “I’ve had an experience in the past where the employers didn’t train me, and when I asked questions they were dismissive. All while expecting me to learn how to do the job perfectly. It was a pretty toxic situation. I’m curious how you/your company handles training people and how encouraging you are of people asking questions?”
And here’s the thing — No one is going to come out and say, “Actually we have a really toxic work environment where we don’t encourage growth or learning at all!” But if that’s secretly the case, they won’t have a very good or solid answer for you. They’ll be vague and the answer won’t be helpful or impressive to you. If they DO value growth and are encouraging of questions, they’ll have a good answer and you’ll be able to sense that they do, in fact, care. You’ve just got to be comfortable asking those sorts of direct questions in an interview setting!
Keep us posted! 🙂
Hey Gillian!
So here’s my take — I doubt that your Profile has actually changed as much as you think it has. It’s probably more so that you always had latent Firestarter tendencies, and now they’re just rising to the surface. I would say that Passion Profiles don’t necessarily do 180s; but that in different times of our lives we have different needs, so one or the other (if we have two Profiles) will become more relevant depending on the situation.
I’m also a Firestarter/Thriver combo. And at first when I took the quiz I always got Firestarter. Now I get Thriver! It’s not that I changed a huge amount; it’s just that as time went on I started to value stability and ease and fun a lot more than starting a revolution and taking a ton of risks.
It’s pretty common for someone to get the result that they feel is LACKING in their lives. So if your situation is causing you to crave freedom and autonomy to a higher degree than you have before, it would make sense why you’d get Firestarter as a result. You tend to pay the most attention to the needs that aren’t getting met, and therefore have a stronger desire around fulfilling them. It’s not that you don’t care about being a Thriver anymore; I bet that if the situation was reversed and you had a ton of time freedom and autonomy but not income stability or predictability, you’d likely end up getting Thriver again as a result, because you were craving those values you weren’t getting met anymore. Make sense?
Hi Cleo!
I know it sucks to be misunderstood and judged when you’re a Thriver — if only everyone could understand that not everyone needs to care about their career to the same degree! It’s tempting to feel ashamed and hurt, but I hope you’ll take heart in the fact that you are totally normal, and it’s OK if some people don’t understand your desires. Ultimately the goal of life is just to be happy. So if you achieve that, regardless of how you do it, you’ll be more successful than at last 85% of the population, for sure!
So I have a few thoughts after reading your post:
– It’s totally understandable why you’d hate a call center job. That’s a lot of people-facing interaction, plus pressure to perform. It doesn’t sound like your ideal Thriver position at all!
– I’m not sure I would totally rule out HR. It makes sense why you’re assuming that HR wouldn’t be a good fit for you, but I’m not sure you can generalize that far given how diverse the HR profession actually is. There are HR departments in almost EVERY business. They can’t all be the same. And I bet there are some that may be perfect for a Thriver. So maybe don’t write it off too quickly!
– I do NOT think that what happened in that temp position is about you AT ALL. Shaming people for asking questions is a REALLY dumb business practice, if you ask me. And it makes me wonder why they needed a temp in the first place (maybe no one wanted to work for them, given the environment, and they had a lot of turnover?). It’s natural to wonder if this was about you, and it’s good that you’re willing to take a look at your own patterns and see if there’s something you could have done better or differently, but I think you’re likely taking way too much responsibility for how this went. I could almost guarantee that this was more of a problem with them and THEIR toxic situation than with you. And I think a better employer might treat you completely differently. So I hope that one experience won’t turn you off from those types of jobs, in total, especially if you’re still interested in them.
– As far as the other options you’re considering, it sounds like you need to do some research about all of these! It doesn’t seem like you’re at the point yet where you can make a totally informed decision. So it’s time to go get informed! I have clients do this type of homework all the time. Usually they make a spreadsheet of some sort with all of their options, and then they create categories based on their non-negotiables and what’s most important to them. And then they do a lot of Googling, LinkedIn stalking, informational interviews, etc., to get as clear as they can about what the job might actually be like and how well it would align with their needs. I think you could delve into something like that for a little while to help you rule out some of these options (and potentially rule some of them in, too).
Let me know what you think! 🙂
Hi Jennifer,
This is such a wonderful story! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
You really illustrate how powerful the sheer act of changing your perceptions and understanding your values can be–you didn’t even need to leave your current job to find the kind of opportunities and balance that you were looking for! That’s so amazing. And it’s so great that you were able to create a win-win between you and your boss; you get more experience and growth opportunities, and he gets to wind down toward retirement. That’s a really nice balance you’ve struck there! I hope you’ll keep us posted. This is such a great story! 🙂
Hi Dana!
I’m so glad that you’ve had a good time in the PPSC so far! 🙂 I can definitely help you think about how to narrow down your options.
But first, keep in mind that I don’t think there’s necessarily a “right” or a “wrong” answer to this question. I think the best way of looking at this question is, “What’s the next right step?” You can always change your mind later, or evolve to a point where you naturally complete a path and are ready to begin a new one! Also, there’s no saying that you necessarily MUST choose one. You can have something that earns you money and things that you do on the side. And if you tend to be multi-passionate, then that might be healthy and good for you!
So, here’s my idea for how you can start weighing these options — Create a grid (like an Excel spreadsheet, even!) where your career options are listed vertically and your values are listed horizontally across the top. Then go through each career option and rank 1-10 (10 being the highest) how much each option can possibly fulfill each value. I know that this is a very simplistic, logical way of doing this! And it’s not meant to be an end-all-be-all exercise; more so, I see it as a way of taking all of your thoughts and channeling them in a way where you can more easily compare the differences.
Then, after doing this, I might delve into the way you ranked things by asking some pointed questions like, “Why is this a 7? What would have made it a 9 or 10?” and “What would have to change for this to be ranked higher?”
I might also use my rankings as a jumping off point to examine the pros and cons of each, as well as the best-case and worst-case scenarios that might arise from pursuing any of those options. Like I might do some free writing about, “What’s an ideal ‘day in the life’ if pursue this path?” and “What’s a bad ‘day in the life’ {or days, plural. Sometimes bad stretches last for a long time!}?”
On that note, I think it’s really important to consider the day-to-day minutia of what any of your options would be like. Often certain things sound fun from the outside, but the day-to-day grind is still going to be present. So what would the day-to-day grind be like for each of these options? What are the less-than-fun tasks you’d have to do for each? Sometimes the easiest way to discern the best fit is to figure out which drudgery you’re most willing to accept!
Let me know what you think after you’ve delved into this some more! 🙂
Hey Samantha!
Awesome, I’m glad you’re clear about why you want to pursue dietetics! It sounds like pursuing that path matches with a lot of your core values and will give you the credibility and stability that you’re looking for. And I like the idea about finding an assistant-type position while you’re studying! Any way that we can start doing what we’re interested in now, rather than have to wait until we’re fully educated, is awesome. I’ve never loved the idea of delaying our satisfaction until we’ve checked all the boxes! Keep us posted! 🙂
Hey Samantha!
I love this chat with your 80-year-old self! Thank you for sharing. 🙂 I’m so glad it was helpful!
And as a fellow Hermione/nerd, I totally understand your excitement about the prospect of going back to school. 😉
It’s great that you can fast track that particular dietetics course, if you want to. I’m curious about whether you’re sold on being a dietician as your route? If so, that’s great! But if you’re open to other routes that encompass health/wellness/diet, I wonder what you might think of nutritionist programs or even health coaching. I think both are less intensive, which might have pros and cons (pro, in that it wouldn’t take as much time; con, in that you might not learn as much as you want to). There’s no right or wrong choice here. There’s only what feels right, to you! But it could be worth exploring all of the related options; even if all it does is confirm your commitment to dietetics, then that would still be useful!
Hey Samantha,
It’s understandable that you feel torn! It sounds like you’re dealing with something that many of us struggle with — wanting “it all,” but feeling like you can’t have it all at the same time.
So, one of the ways I like to look at big life questions is to zoom WAY far out and ask myself, “What would I regret NOT having done when I’m 80?” Like, when I’m really old and thinking back on my life, what things would seem silly to me for having done/not done?
Would your 80-year-old self want you to stay in PR, given how you feel about it right now? What would she have to say about having a baby later than you may have originally foreseen? What would she say about buying a house and traveling? Honestly, it may be good to write down a back-and-forth conversation with yourself on this! Channel your inner wise old woman and have a chat with yourself about what matters to you, and what’s worth it, and what makes life worth living, in the end.
That said, I wonder if you need to explore the dietician route more. Right now, it sounds like you’re pretty sure it’s going to take 5 years. And that’s a long time, for sure! But could there be other programs that are similar, but don’t eat up so much time? Maybe there’s a way to express your passion for this subject, just in a different way that isn’t so time-consuming. I would exhaust ALL of your options before assuming that pursuing your passion will take up that much time. Because maybe it doesn’t have to be as “either/or” as you’re assuming right now.
Also, keep this in mind — If you’re not happy in your career, which is where you spend the majority if your waking hours, having a house and a baby may or may not “make up” for the lack of fulfillment you feel at work. It may put more stress on you and your relationship — “Now I HAVE to stay in this career that I don’t love, and I feel even more trapped, because now I have a mortgage and a kid and I can’t easily escape.” In general, I’d always recommend thinking long and hard before committing to a path that you already know doesn’t light you up, because you think it’s the only way to get other things that you want out of life. I’m a big believer that we can always find a way to have BOTH. It may not be all at the same time, and it may require more creative thinking, stretching, and experimenting, but having everything you want IS possible.
Let me know what you think! 🙂
Hey Karisa!
It’s so tricky with reviews, isn’t it? So much of it is up for interpretation! Just because someone is reviewing you doesn’t mean that what they’re sharing is accurate or reflective of who you really are. It’s quite possible that you’re actually very emotionally intelligent, but that you just didn’t care that much about your job and your boss interpreted your unhappiness in a way he could make “sense” of. It is ALWAYS good to put feedback of any kind through a filter before you automatically buy into it. I’m guessing what your boss said had very little to do with what’s actually true about who you are! Yes, definitely share your thoughts as you dive more into this. 🙂
Hey Karisa!
Thank you for joining us, I’m so glad you’re here! 🙂
Man, I really get fired up when I hear Thrivers talking about how they’re expected to behave like Tribe Members at work. And more than that, they’re expected to want to stay late and work a ton for a boss who’s not giving them the respect and trust that they deserve! Like, who said that you should just be blindly loyal to anyone or anything, and grin and bear it no matter what??
It’s natural to be afraid of transitioning to a new job, only to find yourself in the same circumstances as before. Toward the end of the PPSC we talk a little bit about this, and how to avoid that trap. Just know that it IS possible to discern the quality of an environment before you ever take a job. A lot of it has to do with getting comfortable asking questions in an interview setting. Kristen wrote an article once about that you may want to save and refer to later: https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-one-interview-question-you-need-to-ask-if-you-want-to-land-the-perfect-job
And your intuition is right — The way to get comfortable with being a Thriver at work is definitely about giving yourself permission to be different from those around you, and also become confident and secure enough in yourself that if people judge you or misunderstand you, it’s not the end of the world. Learning how to say a graceful “no” is SO critical to your happiness! We can’t possibly make everyone AND ourselves happy at the same time. This reminds me of a couple of Side Chats we recorded a while back:
I’ll be curious to hear what you think of all of the above, particularly after you’ve finished the PPSC!
Hi Stefanie!
This is a great question. I’ll try not to be too long-winded with my answers. 😉
So, first, I really recommend that you come up with a list of non-negotiables before you start job searching. These are things that you are unwilling to settle for less than; things that are key to your ability to enjoy your job and not get resentful of it. These could be any number of things — How long your commute is, your salary and benefit requirements, a solid work-from-home policy, a manager you can trust, etc. You can base your list off of things you’ve experienced in the past (maybe experiences you’ve had that cemented what you DON’T want to happen again), as well as what you know about yourself and your needs as a Thriver/Side Hustler.
Keep in mind that when I say “non-negotiable,” I don’t mean “the baseline of things you’d be able to accept.” I mean “non-negotiable” to your happiness and contentment in a work setting. There’s a big difference! Try to make this list without getting wound up about whether all of your non-negotiables are possible; if you know it’s critical, put it on there.
So, knowing your non-negotiables will help you have a baseline to job search from. I ABSOLUTELY want you to keep an open mind and about the possibility that you could very well find a position that aligns with all of your desires. I don’t want you to settle for something that you didn’t really need to take, only out of fear that what you wanted wasn’t possible. It is! We may not be able to control the timeline of when you find that kind of position, but it IS possible.
And definitely DON’T apply to anything that doesn’t align with your non-negotiables. If you know, just based on the job description or the way the company talks about themselves, that you’d be miserable and resentful really quickly, it’s not worth applying for.
However, there may be a grey area where a job will meet your non-negotiables, but you’re not sure if it’s a dream job. In that case, I definitely recommend (especially in an interview setting), asking about their values around the things you care most about (like flexibility). Kristen wrote an article about this for the Muse that you may like: https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-one-interview-question-you-need-to-ask-if-you-want-to-land-the-perfect-job
In general, I’m a big proponent of being honest and transparent and blunt in interviews. You don’t want to be hired as someone you’re not. And if they don’t hire you because you had the audacity to ask about something you care about … then you likely weren’t going to be happy there, anyway. My take is that you can’t mess up a job that’s truly right for you, so you may as well ask!
It IS possible that you could get hired and then ask for what you want, on the back end. But in that case, it’s really important that you have a good understanding of the company’s culture and values before you take the job. If they generally come across as open-minded, thoughtful, and put their employees first, then it’s definitely possible that they might be more lenient than they advertise up front.
Also, if you’re looking into a company, it’s worth checking out if they’re on Glassdoor. That’s a good place to see what employees have said about what it’s like on the inside. It can sometimes be hard to know if how a company describes themselves is actually how things are, on the inside!
I hope this was helpful! Let me know your thoughts. 🙂
