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You’re welcome, Nikki! That “all over the place” feeling is totally normally. You’re learning and re-calibrating, and eventually things will solidify more and more. For now, keep staying open to these realizations you’re having, and let’s see where they take you! 🙂
Hey Nikki!
Really great question. I would definitely agree that one facet of competence is fully understanding the role and responsibilities, to eliminate as much pressure and confusion as possible! Beyond that, I think competence also means that Thrivers, in particular, can have a lower bar (in the best way) for how good they need to feel at their job. If they feel decently good at it (competent, in other words), they’re usually fine! Whereas a Firestarter, for example, usually wants to feel like THE BEST at what they do–a true thought leader or expert, perhaps. Because work isn’t usually where Thrivers experience true passion, it makes sense that their bar is lower. They may, however, have that same desire for excellence and mastery in something they’re passionate about! As long as mastering that thing is fun and low pressure, and not tied to how they provide for themselves. Does that help? 🙂
Hi Tamara,
First of all, kudos for running your own business for 15 years! That’s a HUGE achievement, especially when you’ve been shouldering the weight of not feeling lit up for a while. It’s totally natural that you’d be craving a change!
It sounds like, now that you’re very clear on how you want to work, you’re ready to more specifically drill down on what you want to be doing.
The best step you can take on that front is to start following your curiosity. A lot of us think that we need to think it all out ahead of time; have a clear idea of what we should do before we do it. But most clarity comes from exploring and experimenting and taking action, not thinking. I bet there’s something, if not more than one thing, that you’re curious about right now. Even just mildly curious about! When you give yourself permission to explore that, you’ll be surprised where you might end up; how looking into one thing turns you in the direction of something totally unexpected.
We’ve got some content that would help you with that! The first is about exactly what you’ve asked about! And the others are more about mindset and opening up your intuition to receive nudges/guidance about your next steps. 🙂
Side Chat: How to figure out what to do with your life (June 2018)
Treating life like a magical scavenger hunt with Francisca Hernandez (November 2018)
Expecting the perfect job to be your savior with Sarah Knight (October 2019)
Bonus Episode! How to find your passion in 2019 live workshopHey Annabelle,
Love that fire analogy (you know we love a good analogy, anytime anywhere lol), and it’s so accurate! I’m smiling at you learning to give yourself, and all the seemingly disparate pieces of you, permission to just … be. It’s amazing how much life changes when you stop trying to uphold whatever/whoever you think you “should” be!🤩
Hey Annabelle!
I’m glad you took a break and came back to the content! Not only is that the best remedy for overwhelm, like you experienced, it allowed you time to integrate what you’ve been processing, and you were able to come back to it with a different perspective–one where you gave yourself credit for all the progress you’ve clearly made, which is awesome! 🙂
I love the idea of you challenging your limiting beliefs regularly as equivalent to “doing the dishes.” Yep, that’s so true! It’s one of those routine chores we need to do regularly in order to keep things tidy and healthy.
And as to your last point, it sounds like you’re discovering the value of both/and thinking! As in, the solution doesn’t have to be one or the other–either keep things the same and prioritize stability, or flip things on their head and decide to pursue novelty and variety, instead. Why not both? A lot of the time we don’t consider the nuanced option, because it’s usually way more complicated than just choosing “this or that.” But the stark either/or choice is almost never fulfilling! We need to honor both/all sides of who we are, which can take more time and energy and intention up front, but is infinitely more rewarding on the back end.
And the great thing about deciding that, “I get to have both! Now, how to make that work?” is that, once you declare it’s a possibility, you’ll start to see opportunities where you once might have missed them, because you weren’t open enough to them yet. It can become a fun challenge for you to solve, rather than an impossible task!
Hey Annabelle,
You’re totally right to apply the identifying your values/shifting your current situation exercises to your general life, rather than just your career. The thing about values is that they’re almost never career-specific; what you value in your life is what you value in your career, and vice versa. Getting clear on what your life needs in order to feel good and for you to thrive will only help you in every area, career and beyond! 🙂
Glad you’re here, Annabelle! I firmly believe that the Universe meets people halfway (or more than halfway!) when they decide to “write their way into the plot,” so I’m looking forward to hearing what happens now that you’ve made a big step! 🙂
What a great update, Shona, thank you so much for sharing! It never ceases to amaze us how much happier and grounded people can be when they understand how (and give themselves permission) to align the way they work and live with how they’re actually wired. I love your insight about how all the things you enjoyed doing most as a kid were group activities. Yes! Feed that part of you with some fun extracurriculars! 🤗
Hi Shona,
Good question! It’s definitely important to a Thriver to have a great time and work that feels important – I don’t think anyone wants to waste their time in an unhealthy environment, or doing something that means absolutely nothing to them!
Where I’d say Thriver and Tribe Member differ is that, for Tribe Members, the people and the mission are often the whole point. Whereas for Thrivers, those things are important, but the point is to have a job you enjoy, that allows you to pursue the life you really want to live outside of work. For a Tribe Member, the work is much more integral to their purpose. For a Thriver, work is a means to support them finding purpose beyond what they do to make money. Does that make sense?
Hi Mary,
What an awful situation to be put into! No Thriver should be asked to run someone else’s business, but being left alone and reprimanded for asking questions is so much worse. I’m glad you found your way here, and I hope that this is the first step in a new trajectory that gets you away from this job and into something that will make your Thriver self much happier!
Thanks for being here, Shona, and for the support! 😄 I love that you already have a job you’re happy with, and in true Thriver fashion you’re looking to amp up your life outside of work. Keep us posted with what you discover!
So glad you’re already seeing some alignment with Tribe Member and Thriver, Jessica! It seems to me you’ve already crossed one big hurdle–seeing where your current and past work life hasn’t aligned with how you’re wired, and giving yourself permission for that to be OK. We get really stuck when we keep trying to fix ourselves, rather than fix the misalignment! 🙂
Hello Mr. Content/Complacent! 🙂
We’re so glad you’re learning a lot about yourself! And from reading this note, it’s clear to me you have a lot of insight about what does and doesn’t work for you. But it’s sometimes hard for us to see it, so allow me to point it out for you!
First of all, it’s definitely not a bad thing to not want to move up or climb the ladder! In fact, that’s a very normal Thriver desire. And keep in mind, climbing the ladder does NOT necessarily mean “growth.” Growing has to be on YOUR terms, first and foremost. One person’s definition of growth is another’s definition of stagnation! Climbing the ladder may very well feel like dying to you, and that would be totally fair.
YOU get to decide to growth means for you. And for Thrivers, growth happens very frequently outside of their career. The job provides for the rest of their life, and they pursue things outside of work that fulfill them, stretch them, and make them feel like they’re growing!
I also want to point out that you said, “I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or if I did get my job role right at the beginning…” It seems to me that there’s a very strong correlation between when you were happy at work and when you had connection and an enjoyable team environment. Inversely, you seem way less contented when you’re lonely–a word you used multiple times in one paragraph! So, I think your next job should be less about what you do, and more about finding a situation that fosters connection and dispels loneliness. 🙂
