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P.S. Brittany, your question has given me an idea, and I’m going to email you about it! Just a heads up. 🙂
Hi Brittany,
It’s totally understandable that you’re frustrated! It’s exhausting and depressing to spin your wheels and feel like you’re not getting closer to an answer. And while it can be hard to give a nuanced answer in a format like this, I definitely have some thoughts to share with you!
So, first of all: You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not broken, and you’re not incapable of working in a way that feels fulfilling. It’s critical that you don’t go blaming yourself for the experience you’re having!
And, when we’ve tried a bunch of external things–various jobs, quizzes, articles, and even courses, and still nothing is clicking, here’s what that tells me: The root of the issue is deeper than finding the right career. It can be very tempting to believe, and I was once super guilty of this, that when we find the right career that things will click into place and we’ll be energetic and excited and fulfilled. And YES, being in a field that’s wrong for you can absolutely wear away at you, exhaust you, and depress you. And YES, finding something that aligns with you more can be a balm to your spirit.
BUT, as I’ve had to learn the hard way myself, the right career can’t replace a deeper, more existential crisis. When you say “I feel so drained each and every day and have no energy,” I wonder if that’s a clue to something deeper that needs addressing. Finding the right career isn’t the thing that makes us whole, happy people–it’s usually the *byproduct* of doing that work. If we feel like we’ve abandoned ourselves, and can’t remember the last time we felt passionate and alive, that’s about more than just work. That’s indicative of deep, non-contextual inner work that needs to be focused on first: Healing old wounds, learning to process emotions in a healthy way again, resetting our nervous systems, establishing a sense of self, learning how to trust ourselves and sometimes something bigger than ourselves. And when we become *that* person, the happy career is the byproduct of that.
That’s the work we do in coaching. And, because you don’t have a disposable income right now, that’s also work that a good counselor/therapist can help you do. And those types of services are generally more accessible, since insurance can cover it and there’s often a sliding scale. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend going with the first person you find, because not everyone’s approach/style might resonate with you! But it sounds to me like you might very much benefit from someone who can help you dredge up some gunk and get you reconnected with who you are (and if I were you, that’s exactly what I’d tell anyone I was considering working with, as a gauge to see how they could support me!).
I know this isn’t the easy answer, but that’s because this issue is incredibly nuanced and complexed, and acting like there’s a quick fix would be doing your question a disservice!
This is an amazing update Brittany, thank you so much for sharing! I’m SO happy to hear that you’re freeing yourself from this prison cell you’ve been living in. And I definitely don’t think it’s inaccurate to describe it like that! It DOES feel like you’re trapped when you’re been discouraged and resentful and stuff for such a long time.
And here’s the thing. The world DOES need average people, but it already has PLENTY of them, I can assure you. What it *really* needs, because there are fewer of them, is people like you who have a lot of passion and ideas and who can shake things up with their different perspective and desire to innovate. And by the way, do you want to know what the #1 fear I hear from literally every Firestarter and entrepreneur? “I don’t have what it takes to start a business.” It’s the most normal thought you could have right now, but that doesn’t make it true! Everyone thinks like that about something big that they haven’t done before. But if so many people can do it, Kristen and I included, why NOT you? 🙂 And yes, please keep us posted!
Hi Anthony,
We’re glad to hear that learning more about your Passion Profiles is helping you contemplate making such a big career change!
So, we’ve never definitively given people advice about roles/industries that suit their Passion Profile(s), and for good reason–We don’t want to limit peoples’ options or imagination. Yes, there are certain jobs that you might (as a Thriver/Side Hustler) find off-putting. I imagine there were aspects of B2B sales/consulting that just didn’t align with you, given how Firestarter-y a job like that can be, for example. But the thing is, what’s a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for another. Also, any list of ours is naturally going to be quite limited, because we don’t *know* all of the industries and jobs that are possible. Not even close! And often for Thrivers, it’s not even *about* the job or industry in the first place. It’s more about the work environment and lifestyle it affords, and you can find good and bad environments in any industry or company.
What you *can* do, however, is share your ideas with us about things you’re exploring/thinking about, and why you think it might or might not align with you, as a Thriver/Side Hustler, and we can weigh in. 🙂
Welcome, Jessica! I love that you appreciate your company, you just need help refining your role. I think learning more about your Thriver/Tribe Member profiles will definitely help you clarify your needs and intentions. Looking forward to hearing more! 🙂
Hi JoAnn,
I’m sorry that you struggle with anxiety, as well! It’s an ongoing process for me. I now can have big stretches of time where I’m not particularly anxious, but then I’ll have a spell where it’s hard to even take a deep breath and calm down at all! So I certainly haven’t cured myself. I think it’s just part and parcel of being a Highly Sensitive Person. It has its pros, but anxiety is one of its cons.
Honestly, the most effective way I’ve released anxiety and calmed my nervous system is by developing trust in something bigger than myself. At its core I think anxiety is just fear of the unknown. It’s a lack of trust that things will work out, or lack of trust in ourselves to handle the uncertainties and difficulties that come our way. But if you have a connection to something bigger than yourself–call it God, the Universe, infinite intelligence, or whatever you want!–you can learn to release those fears and surrender to the will of something that’s a lot more powerful than any of us, and has our best interests at heart.
Basically, I think having a spiritual practice of some kind is the most effective natural anti-anxiety treatment! Meditation, in particular, can be a very helpful part of that. I’m not always good about meditating, but I’ve done it off and on enough to know that when I’m consistent with it, I almost always feel better than when I’m NOT doing it!
If you want to know more about what helped me cultivate a spiritual practice, I’d check out a few of our past episodes:
Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it’s really fear) from June, 2019
Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver from November, 2018
Learning to meditate (& how to stick to it) with Francisca Hernandez from September 2019
Hi JoAnn,
We have a process in the PPVE (which is the same core content we use with our 1:1 coaching clients) that walks you through defining, narrowing down, and exploring your career options in a way that aligns with your values. As you’ve discovered in the PPSC, getting clear on your Passion Profile can be helpful, but often the work doesn’t stop there, because there is usually a lot more refining and deeper work to be done. That’s the work we do in the PPVE, as a group, and in 1:1 coaching in an individual way. If I were you, I’d consider starting with the PPVE, since it’s a much more affordable option than 1:1 coaching, and you get to experience the same core content and work on defining your values and getting clear on your options.
That said, I do want to touch on what you said at the end of your post: “I guess I am looking for an answer as to what I should do.” You probably already know this, but I wouldn’t be a good coach if I didn’t say that coaching (be it in one of our courses or 1:1!) is not ultimately about us doling out answers. It’s about us guiding you through a process that can help clarify what’s been keeping you blocked or stuck; as well as clarifying what you value and how to go about searching for paths that will align with those values. But there usually isn’t a “right” answer as to what anyone should or shouldn’t do. Coaching is far more about helping you become a clear, confident, capable person, so that you feel good about venturing into the unknown and exploring your options and allowing life to unfold in ways you couldn’t predict (and not getting anxious or bent out of shape about that unpredictability). So if that sounds good, then the PPVE will resonate a lot with you!
Hey JoAnn!
Good questions! Since it’s the last time we’re offering the PPVE, I think it could be a great thing for you to do. It’s a good way to dip your toes in the water, and then if you were to want more coaching after that, which some people do, you likely wouldn’t need as much as you might have, previously. We give all of our PPSC people a members-only discount on the PPVE, so be on the lookout for that (we’ll email you all about it) in a few weeks. 🙂
Hey JoAnn,
It’s understandable that you’re frustrated! Anyone in your shoes would feel the same. And, I’m going to give you the difficult, tough-love answer, because honestly there is no easy answer to this question (and you’re not alone; many people can relate to how you’re feeling). My take is this–The perfect job is likely not going to solve all of your problems. Figuring out what to do next is an important step, and I’m definitely not saying you should give up and just accept the reality of a job you don’t like. AND, I suspect that there’s a lot of deeper, inner work that needs to be done. Sometimes we think a job is going to make us happy, but if we haven’t done the inner work–confronting our deep fears, letting go of old beliefs, clarifying our values, and basically figuring out who we are on a profound level–then getting that job isn’t going to feel very satisfying, because we first have to be ABLE to feel satisfied, as a person. We have to have the ability to access deep, profound feelings like fulfillment, acceptance, joy, ease, contentment in order to be a match to a job (or any circumstance) that’s really fulfilling and joyful.
The PPSC is a great place to start! But it’s not meant to be the place where we do that deeper work. That’s what coaching is for, but it’s also what the PPVE is for. It might be a great thing for you to consider doing, since it’s coming up later this month and because it’s the very last time we’ll ever be doing it. 🙂
You’re welcome, Janel! Yes, ebbing and flowing is a perfectly great approach. 🙂 Thank you for the holiday wishes! I hope you have a great one as well, and a happy new year as we embark on 2020!
Hey Janel!
We’re so happy to hear that you’ve found some direction again. That’s so awesome! 🙂
My gut sense is usually that people who are struggling between 3 types usually are Side Hustlers, or at least have some degree of Side Hustler energy! Because they tend to be the ones that don’t like to pick and vacillate the most between multiple options. Maybe you’re a Side Hustler who identifies more as a Thriver when she needs stability, and then again as a Firestarter when she’s craving autonomy and freedom. And that would be totally OK! What do you think?
Welcome, Blair!
First of all, kudos to you for being a single mom who is dedicated to getting out of survival mode. A lot of people would likely have crumbled and just accepted their limiting beliefs and general lot in life. It speaks to your determination and level of self-awareness that you continue to focus on bettering yourself! And what a great example that will set for your kids, too.
It can be so hard to realize that we’ve been looking for a job or passion that will “save” us! It’s definitely harder, but ultimately more rewarding, to realize that we have the capacity to be happy NOW, and also looking forward to more in the future.
Keep us posted about your progress and aha moments! We’re happy you found us. 🙂
Hey Angela,
Wow! Well, I’m sorry you broke your ankle, but it sounds like the Universe was looking out for you! This is such a good example of how things will work out, even when they look disastrous at first. And yeah, what a good reminder about why stability and good insurance is a top value for you!
Hi Ginny!
As an introvert with Thriver tendencies who also likes self-employment, I totally feel where you’re coming from! It sounds like you might be a bit of a FireThriver, rather than a full Thriver. I’ll be curious to hear your take on that once you’re done with the course. 🙂
Hey Angela!
I’m so happy to hear that you’re learning to embrace your Thriver essence! The burnout you describe in being surrounded by Tribe Members is a very common thing we hear from a lot of Thrivers. And hopefully now that you know you don’t have to keep trying to look like a Tribe Member, perhaps that permission will allow you to relax and not put all the pressure and expectation on yourself. And yes! Thrivers can totally have side hustles and other projects outside of work, so long as they’re fun and low-pressure. 🙂
