Ask the experts

[Kristen W]

Hi Kalei,

I absolutely understand the frustration of not having a CHOICE about whether or not you’re working right now. If you’d taken this time away from work intentionally because you needed a break, you wanted to work on some other project, or to take a class, that would feel totally different. But this choice was kind of made for you, so it’s no wonder it’s getting under your skin a bit.

Have you considered looking into virtual/remote work of some kind? Even part-time or freelance work might help you feel like you’re gaining skills and experience in a proactive way. And it would give you a (paid!) project to devote part of each day to. Just an idea!

[JasonThatcher]

Hi Kristen & Rachel,

I just finished the PPSC and believe I relate to Thriver and Side Hustler as my Secondary passion profile. This course was very fulfilling to me, as someone who gets bored very easily and likes working in team environments i think its suits me well. Im still not too confident where my true passion lies but hope to find it after delving into the course a little more. I received my bachelors of science at a aeronautical engineering/military school with a minor in Middle Eastern studies in 2012. The only reason i went to the university was because i got a full ride there, probably just like everyone else, I had no idea what i wanted to do at the time, but did it anyways to make my parents happy.
Since graduating I have only been at very tedious desk jobs and often find myself wanting to go for walks or venture outside on my break to go explore something. I have even considered joining the military a couple of times but just cant seem to find the will to do it and worry about being stuck there for however long when I’m not even sure i would be passionate about it. I have taken so many courses and tutorials but yours seem to resonate with me so well. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated
Thank you!

[Kristen W]

Hi Jason,

I’m so happy to hear that this course was s fulfilling for you and that it resonated with you more than other courses you’ve taken in the past. That means a lot!

You said that you’re not sure where your true passion lies, but based on your Thriver / Side Hustler profile combo, I have to say that you very well might not have one true passion — you probably have LOTS of interests, some of which you could possible combine with a career and others that you will simply want to pursue as fun/interesting hobbies. I would try to take the pressure off of yourself to figure out your one passion, and instead ask yourself, “What things do I most love doing? How do I most enjoy spending my time? What makes me extremely curious and fascinated?” You’ll likely come up with multiple answers, and they’re all valid! Then ask yourself, “What kind of lifestyle do I want to lead? How would I most like to divide up my time between work, side projects, and hobbies (along with other priorities in my life, like relationships and health)?” It’s perfectly acceptable to spend time and energy on things you absolutely love, but that may never pay you anything, and it’s also perfectly OK to have a career that’s not your #1 passion (if that would kill the joy of the thing(s) that most fascinate you. The goal is to get different needs and values met in various areas of your life — your career doesn’t have to fulfill every desire and value of yours (although it should bring you at least a few), if the rest of your life balances out the difference.

I hope that gives you a slightly different perspective and opens you up to some new ideas or creative ways to combine your various interests! And if you’re really struggling to identify WHAT you’re most interested in and passionate about and you’d like additional support with that, you may want to consider joining us for our follow-up course that’s opening for enrollment later this month. It’s called the Passion Plan Virtual Experience, and it’s more focused on WHAT you’d like to be doing in your career (and life in general), versus this Short Course which was more focused on HOW you’re meant to work that aligns with your values.

Thanks again for being part of this program, and I’m happy to hear you’ve gotten so much out of it already!

[kaleiv]

Hi Kristen,

Thank you for understanding…I think some of my family members and friends think I’m just kicking it here like on vacation.

I love your idea about virtual or remote work. I looked at upwork and freelancer, they seem to be mostly for website creation, translating, or writing. My background is in strategic planning/research. I wonder if much of that type of work is confidential, and companies don’t usually have external contract work for that. Have you heard of other sites I should check out? Or another angle I should approach this? I have also mentioned to some former colleagues that I’m looking for consulting/project based work.

Thanks much : )

[Kristen W]

Hi Kalei,

As far I as I know, you’re right about upward and freelancer being focused more on technical skills, like web design and virtual assistant work and that kind of thing. But there are plenty of remote jobs in just about EVERY industry and skill set. It doesn’t have to be freelance or contract work, either — it can be just like having a longer term part- or full-time job, just working from your home office instead of going into an office.

Here are a few sites where you can search for some work-from-home jobs (I’m sure there are lots more, plus you can always find them on big sites like Indeed as well, but here are just a few to get you started):

• We Work Remotely
• Remote Working
• Working Nomads

I’m sure there are LOTS more sites devoted to remote working jobs, but those a few you can start with!

[Jennifer C]

Hi Kristen,

I completed the PPSC this week. I’m a Tribe member with some Thriver. However, I think I’m currently in a firestarter role. I’m a partner in a startup company. I’m the Director of Finance, however I wear many hats. It’s a really small team and I make a lot of decisions for the company which I like. I’ve been with my team for almost four years and they are absolutely great team members. However, I work remotely and have discovered through the course that I am not broken like I feel, I’m just meant to work with other humans. Since I’m in MO and the rest of the team works out of various places in CA there’s not a great way to problem solve this or think of it in different ways. Unfortunately, it got so bad for me this week that I couldn’t physically bring myself to do the work I needed to. I’m completely drained at the end of each day. I think I would be fine working on my projects if I wasn’t on my own. I spoke to my business partner today and we’ll take a couple weeks to try and figure out something like part time, however I’m just not sure when/if to completely quit. It pains me to think about leaving this team. I don’t know if I’d now thrive in an office setting either since I want flexibility and I have not had a boss in 6 years. It doesn’t help that I recently moved and am trying to make some friends in a new town. There is also the possibility of going into business with my husband, which would give me 100% more human contact than I currently have and would allow for flexibility and to be my own boss. I think we could be profitable in a year’s time and we have the financial backing to support us in that year, and it’s a low cost startup. I would be able to strategize and collaborate with one team member, my husband. I know we’d work well together because we’ve done it before. And, I often work out of his office so I’m not home alone. However, I’m also not sure if one team member is enough, so I was hoping to also start volunteering somewhere and going to meetup groups to expand my social circle, which is super tiny at the moment. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated! Thanks!

[Rachel E]

Hey Jennifer!

It’s understandable that you’re feeling drained and can’t bring yourself to do your work. It sounds like there are a lot of things in your life right now that are in transition, and you’re questioning everything, which is totally normal but also doesn’t stop it from being overwhelming.

So here’s a though experiment for you: What if you secretly already knew the answer, but your anxiety and overwhelm is just blocking you from tuning in? One of the premises that Kristen and I often operate on, particularly when we’re coaching someone 1-on-1, is that the client already knows a LOT more about what they want than they realize. So, when I was reading your post, when you started mentioning going into business with your husband and all of the ways to make that work, I started wondering if perhaps you *do* sort of know the answer, but it’s hard to discern from your current standpoint.

When you started mentioning going into business with him, it was almost as if the energy of your post changed. The tone became more hopeful, and it was clear that you have plenty of ideas about how to make this work in a healthy, profitable way. You’ve even thought about how to get your needs for connection met outside of him, since if you were to work and live with him 24/7 you’d definitely need other forms of human connection.

Here’s another thought experiment for you: Let’s imagine that you could make a choice, and no one would have to know about it. You could choose whatever you wanted, free of any outside judgment or influence, and there wouldn’t be any big, bad, negative consequences from whatever choice you make. What would you do?

Give this some thought, and I’d love to hear what you come up with! 🙂

[Jennifer C]

Hi Rachel,

Sorry for calling you Kristen. I saw her answering a lot of the recent posts. I really appreciate the thought experiments. I do know what I want after reflecting on the experiments. I do want to work with local people and have human connection each day. I think that is really one of my passions. I think working with my husband and volunteering will give me that and so much more. However, it would be terribly difficult to say goodbye to my partners. They are a rare bunch and I love them like family. I have a plan, which is to go out to CA to see them and see if there is any other way I can make it work; a leave no stone unturned effort to make sure I’m not overlooking anything. If after the trip I am still failing to be motivated and feeling drained despite any changes we make then the answer will be certain. Thank you for the feedback!

[Rachel E]

Hey Jen,

No worries! I wasn’t able to post in the PPSC forum for a while due to technical difficulties, so I’m glad I’m able to respond now (so far) with no issues. 🙂 I’m glad that, at the heart of things, it sounds like you *are* clear on what you want, it’s just a matter of being understandably sad to let another piece of your life, that’s clearly meant a lot to you, go. I think the idea to “leave no stone unturned” makes sense; at the very least, if flying out to CA doesn’t ultimately change anything, then you’ll know you did all you could.

Something I like to keep in mind in my life is this–the easier things come to you, the more likely they’re the right thing for you. The harder something is to maintain or make happen (particularly if it feels like running uphill, or pulling teeth, or forcing something into fruition), the more that’s a sign it’s probably not the right thing for you. And sometimes the hardest part is that we really WANT to enjoy the thing that’s hard; we really want it to work out, becuase logically it feels like it should. So, my nugget of wisdom for you is this: It’s OK to be sad if something you really want to happen just isn’t happening. It’s OK to mourn that and be angry about it, even. AND … have faith that if something isn’t working, and it’s just never easy, that maybe there’s something better, more fruitful, and more aligned with you out there. And allowing things to fall away that aren’t working creates space for things that will, even if you can’t see what they are yet, exactly. We’d love to know how things go, so keep us posted! 🙂

[StefanieWenker]

Hi Rachel and Kristen,

I am really enjoying the short course and I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what I want out of my job.
I am a thriver, with some side hustler.
So what I mostly want in a job is to have the stability of a good paying job I enjoy, but that leaves me enough time (work 32 hours or less), flexibility and energy to keep learning, and focus on other passions outside of my job.

I am currently looking for jobs, after having gone back to school for a year to get practical skills in something I really enjoy. I will be done in May and would really like to have a job at that point.

My question is: Since I currently don’t have a job and really need the money when I’m done with school should I apply to jobs that generally appeal to me, but maybe don’t have the flexibility or time balance that I eventually want, so that I may end up working 40 hours a week in an office. Then once I am in and they can see what I can do (I am a very efficient independent worker) I can start asking for some flexibility etc. OR should I ask for my wants in an interview, with the risk of them thinking I’m too demanding or asking too much and them choosing someone else. OR should I only apply to jobs that seem like they would be a great fit.

I guess because I feel I don’t have a lot of work experience in where I want to go, I feel like I am asking for too much out of my first “real job”, and I will get to where I want to be eventually, but not necessarily right away.

Thanks in advance.

Stefanie

[Rachel E]

Hi Stefanie!

This is a great question. I’ll try not to be too long-winded with my answers. 😉

So, first, I really recommend that you come up with a list of non-negotiables before you start job searching. These are things that you are unwilling to settle for less than; things that are key to your ability to enjoy your job and not get resentful of it. These could be any number of things — How long your commute is, your salary and benefit requirements, a solid work-from-home policy, a manager you can trust, etc. You can base your list off of things you’ve experienced in the past (maybe experiences you’ve had that cemented what you DON’T want to happen again), as well as what you know about yourself and your needs as a Thriver/Side Hustler.

Keep in mind that when I say “non-negotiable,” I don’t mean “the baseline of things you’d be able to accept.” I mean “non-negotiable” to your happiness and contentment in a work setting. There’s a big difference! Try to make this list without getting wound up about whether all of your non-negotiables are possible; if you know it’s critical, put it on there.

So, knowing your non-negotiables will help you have a baseline to job search from. I ABSOLUTELY want you to keep an open mind and about the possibility that you could very well find a position that aligns with all of your desires. I don’t want you to settle for something that you didn’t really need to take, only out of fear that what you wanted wasn’t possible. It is! We may not be able to control the timeline of when you find that kind of position, but it IS possible.

And definitely DON’T apply to anything that doesn’t align with your non-negotiables. If you know, just based on the job description or the way the company talks about themselves, that you’d be miserable and resentful really quickly, it’s not worth applying for.

However, there may be a grey area where a job will meet your non-negotiables, but you’re not sure if it’s a dream job. In that case, I definitely recommend (especially in an interview setting), asking about their values around the things you care most about (like flexibility). Kristen wrote an article about this for the Muse that you may like: https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-one-interview-question-you-need-to-ask-if-you-want-to-land-the-perfect-job

In general, I’m a big proponent of being honest and transparent and blunt in interviews. You don’t want to be hired as someone you’re not. And if they don’t hire you because you had the audacity to ask about something you care about … then you likely weren’t going to be happy there, anyway. My take is that you can’t mess up a job that’s truly right for you, so you may as well ask!

It IS possible that you could get hired and then ask for what you want, on the back end. But in that case, it’s really important that you have a good understanding of the company’s culture and values before you take the job. If they generally come across as open-minded, thoughtful, and put their employees first, then it’s definitely possible that they might be more lenient than they advertise up front.

Also, if you’re looking into a company, it’s worth checking out if they’re on Glassdoor. That’s a good place to see what employees have said about what it’s like on the inside. It can sometimes be hard to know if how a company describes themselves is actually how things are, on the inside!

I hope this was helpful! Let me know your thoughts. 🙂

[KarisaDeculus]

Good morning! I’m working through the PPSC section “Job Searching According to Your Values” and I am having a tough time coming up with the list of verbs for my ideal working environment. I’m a Thriver, and my top three values were balance, competence, and fun. I have a long list of the things I could be doing in my ideal environment, but I feel a block when trying to translate that into verbs. For example, I would like to do things like organize the team in fun activities like a potluck, create training materials for the team, and find new opportunities for career advancement for teammates and for myself. But I don’t know how to make that a nice little verb or verb phrase to look for. Not coincidentally, I believe, a belief is coming up for me here that I just won’t find the sort of place that allows me to have all this! I’m actually having an internal battle with my negative voice telling me it’s not possible because I can’t translate this into any verbs and my loving inner voice telling me that yes I can find this right where I am. So I’m hoping that getting some ideas for verbs can help me with this exercise and with this block too. Thanks!!

[Kristen W]

Hi Karisa! Really great question. First, I want to take the pressure off of you to find the perfect verbs/verb phrases to search for. Your negative inner critical voice will try to convince you that you have to have the *perfect* search terms or else you’re doomed to never find a job you’ll love, but that’s not the truth. That negative voice is just freaking out because it’s afraid that you’ll be disappointed, so it doesn’t even want you to try — but your inner loving voice is the one you can trust here.

So don’t worry about finding the perfect search phrases (in fact, don’t even stress about whether or not they’re actually verbs), and instead try all kinds of different variations on the things you’d like to do. For example, you said you’d like to “organize the team in fun activities like a potluck,” so you could search for: “organize team activities,” “plan group events,” “social coordinator,” “organize social outings,” etc. Each time you change up the wording a little, you’ll likely find new things, and then you’ll start to see what phrases get you closer to jobs that actually sound exciting.

Remember, you only need a few search phrases to get started. As you find jobs that sound interesting, you can always borrow their language to add to your list of searchable phrases. So you definitely don’t need a complete list before you can get started!

Do you know that game kids play where they hide something and then help someone find it by saying “warmer” or “colder” as they’re getting closer or further away from whatever they hid? That’s kind of what you’re doing here. Your goal is to play around with different search phrases until you get warmer and warmer (as in, closer and closer to the ideal job).

Hope that helps! 🙂

[KarisaDeculus]

That’s super helpful, thank you! You’re spot on about the negative inner voice wanting to find the absolute perfect search terms to find the right job. I was looking at job descriptions and I found phrases that definitely don’t work for what I’m looking for, so there was a big a-ha moment there. I was also reluctant to look at the examples in the workbook because I was afraid that I’d take on something that didn’t feel true to me, but again that was the negative fear voice influencing me. I think I’m in a good position to go back and think more about the words that will fit my values.

[Kristen W]

Karisa — It’s totally normal to feel that internal negative voice of fear when you’re job searching, but the fact that you can recognize that voice as separate from the REAL you is huge. It means you don’t have to let that fearful inner voice “win.” Having fear is 100% normal. Listening to your fear is a choice, and you can always choose to listen to your inner loving voice instead. 🙂 I hope you’ll come back and let us know how the job searching goes!

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