Ask the experts

[JoAnnLaMothe]

Hi Rachel,
I was listening to one of your podcasts and in it you state that you are an anxiety prone person and had to overcome your anxiety. I too have anxiety and I know that is one of my problems that holds me back from things and I am wondering what you did to deal with your anxiety. I have tried everything and nothing has worked so far.

Thanks,
JoAnn

[Rachel E]

Hi JoAnn,

I’m sorry that you struggle with anxiety, as well! It’s an ongoing process for me. I now can have big stretches of time where I’m not particularly anxious, but then I’ll have a spell where it’s hard to even take a deep breath and calm down at all! So I certainly haven’t cured myself. I think it’s just part and parcel of being a Highly Sensitive Person. It has its pros, but anxiety is one of its cons.

Honestly, the most effective way I’ve released anxiety and calmed my nervous system is by developing trust in something bigger than myself. At its core I think anxiety is just fear of the unknown. It’s a lack of trust that things will work out, or lack of trust in ourselves to handle the uncertainties and difficulties that come our way. But if you have a connection to something bigger than yourself–call it God, the Universe, infinite intelligence, or whatever you want!–you can learn to release those fears and surrender to the will of something that’s a lot more powerful than any of us, and has our best interests at heart.

Basically, I think having a spiritual practice of some kind is the most effective natural anti-anxiety treatment! Meditation, in particular, can be a very helpful part of that. I’m not always good about meditating, but I’ve done it off and on enough to know that when I’m consistent with it, I almost always feel better than when I’m NOT doing it!

If you want to know more about what helped me cultivate a spiritual practice, I’d check out a few of our past episodes:

Side Chat: Honing your intuition (& knowing when it’s really fear) from June, 2019

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver from November, 2018

Learning to meditate (& how to stick to it) with Francisca Hernandez from September 2019

[AmandaTemby]

Hi Kristen and Rachel,

I have been listening to your podcasts and utilizing this course for the past few months, and I appreciate that your approach to passion involves shifting paradigms! Rather than viewing passion through the lens of the content, zooming out the lens on the context in which you express your passions, values, and desires, is a different approach. Currently, I find myself at another standstill in my career. I am working to break old patterns that don’t serve me in the realm of my career and personal life, but I’m having trouble deciding when to stop or go.

I listened to your podcast about bridge jobs, and it resonated with me as I tend to land jobs that are highly competitive, highly demanding, and where I feel like others are dictating my potential. I have entertained the idea of a bridge job for a while as I am tired of ending up in a similar place each time, and feel that in this job, I don’t have the time and mental energy to do the right type of research and mindfulness practices that I know will get me to a more fulfilling and sustainable place in the future.

My fears around a bridge job are feeling like I have regressed in my career, not earning a comparable income to my current role, and finding opportunities that serve my needs in the short term. Do you have any advice on managing the anxieties around a transition to a bridge job, as well as effective ways to then utilize my time to determine the next step towards a career I am excited about?

Thank you for all of the resources you provide, they have been incredibly helpful to me!

Best,
Amanda

[Kristen W]

Hey Amanda,

First of all, I’m so glad you get and appreciate our deeper approach to figuring out your passion & having a fulfilling career! Shifting paradigms is so crucial to the process.

Based on how you’ve described your current job (and previous jobs), I agree that a bridge job might be a great choice for you right now. Something to give you a little breathing room so you have the mental/emotional space to get clear on what you really want and how to get there. And, frankly, something to break the pattern you’re in, so you can see other possibilities.

In the name of shifting paradigms, however, I have some holes I want to try to poke in your fears. Sometimes, just by questioning your fears, it makes them feel less real and easier to overcome. So ask yourself:

— Who’s to say what “regression” in a career even means? (Sometimes taking a step “backward” allows for a huge jump forward, which all counts as progress in my book!)

— What if “progressing” in your career had more to do with how you FELT than how it looked on paper?

— How true is it that a bridge job HAS to pay significantly less than your current role?

— Even if a bridge job does pay less, what ways could you make it work short-time? (Remember, a bridge job is just a temporary stopping place anyway.)

— How clear are you on your requirements for a bridge job? Have you listed out your bridge job criteria? How likely is it that *nothing* will align with your needs?

Hopefully that helps you get into the headspace of questioning your fears before they take over and prevent you from trying something that might be a great next step.

Again, it’s totally normal to have fears about making a big change! Especially if you’re not sure how it’ll all work out. But it’s clear that your head is in the right place, and you WANT to try something new. So it’s helpful to get some practice in questioning/reframing your fears along the way.

Hope that helps!

[AmandaTemby]

Hi Kristen,

Thank you for your response!

I agree that it’s beneficial to poke holes in my fears as it can make them feel less heavy or open-ended. I am working on rebuilding my intuitive skills so that I can continue moving forward with more clarity and peace.

– Amanda

[Kristen W]

Glad that was helpful, Amanda! Come back and let us know how that’s going. 🙂

[AnthonyGenovese]

Dear Kristen and Rachel,

First I’d like to thank you for creating this course as it has opened my eyes up to what is possible. I am a Thriver with a dash of Side Hustle who has worked in B2B Sales/Consulting my whole career up until the start of the year when I was let go prior to the pandemic. I am still unemployed and have been seriously considering making a career change for the second half of my career to a role in an industry that suits me best keeping in mind my values and strengths.

It would be helpful if you could provide some specifics around role and industry that Thrivers (with a dash of side hustle) are comfortable in and have excelled in so I can get a little more reassurance that my efforts are being focused in the right direction. I feel this preparation would help me continue my search for the second half of my career feeling confident that I have chosen a better path.

Thanks so much!
Anthony

[Rachel E]

Hi Anthony,

We’re glad to hear that learning more about your Passion Profiles is helping you contemplate making such a big career change!

So, we’ve never definitively given people advice about roles/industries that suit their Passion Profile(s), and for good reason–We don’t want to limit peoples’ options or imagination. Yes, there are certain jobs that you might (as a Thriver/Side Hustler) find off-putting. I imagine there were aspects of B2B sales/consulting that just didn’t align with you, given how Firestarter-y a job like that can be, for example. But the thing is, what’s a dealbreaker for one person may not be a dealbreaker for another. Also, any list of ours is naturally going to be quite limited, because we don’t *know* all of the industries and jobs that are possible. Not even close! And often for Thrivers, it’s not even *about* the job or industry in the first place. It’s more about the work environment and lifestyle it affords, and you can find good and bad environments in any industry or company.

What you *can* do, however, is share your ideas with us about things you’re exploring/thinking about, and why you think it might or might not align with you, as a Thriver/Side Hustler, and we can weigh in. 🙂

[BrittanyWalker]

I’ve taken the short course and watched the videos, many of them a few times, and I still feel utterly lost.. I’m a Firestarter (Fireheart), with a Thriver secondary profile. The idea of working 40 hours a week is exhausting and the mere thought of someone else dictating my PTO/Sick days makes me furious. But, every time I try to think of a field or business to start and to jump into, nothing feels, “like me.” I have an diverse background, I’m 30 now, with a B.S. in psychology, worked as a support counselor, banking, personal training, and 2 office customer service jobs. I feel so drained each and every day and have no energy. I’ve taken so many courses to explore careers, quizzes, read articles..and I feel like I’m going in circles. Going to back to school to fork up more money is not in my view as I feel the states schooling system is broke and overly priced. I’m already struggling to make ends meet with a $500 month health insurance premium..and no savings… so spending extra money really isn’t an option for me.

So I try to look inside, and ask myself, ” When did I abandon my heart?” And I honestly can’t even remember when I felt alive and passionate about working. What else can I do? Where do I go from here?

Sincerely,
Struggling and Stumped

[Rachel E]

Hi Brittany,

It’s totally understandable that you’re frustrated! It’s exhausting and depressing to spin your wheels and feel like you’re not getting closer to an answer. And while it can be hard to give a nuanced answer in a format like this, I definitely have some thoughts to share with you!

So, first of all: You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not broken, and you’re not incapable of working in a way that feels fulfilling. It’s critical that you don’t go blaming yourself for the experience you’re having!

And, when we’ve tried a bunch of external things–various jobs, quizzes, articles, and even courses, and still nothing is clicking, here’s what that tells me: The root of the issue is deeper than finding the right career. It can be very tempting to believe, and I was once super guilty of this, that when we find the right career that things will click into place and we’ll be energetic and excited and fulfilled. And YES, being in a field that’s wrong for you can absolutely wear away at you, exhaust you, and depress you. And YES, finding something that aligns with you more can be a balm to your spirit.

BUT, as I’ve had to learn the hard way myself, the right career can’t replace a deeper, more existential crisis. When you say “I feel so drained each and every day and have no energy,” I wonder if that’s a clue to something deeper that needs addressing. Finding the right career isn’t the thing that makes us whole, happy people–it’s usually the *byproduct* of doing that work. If we feel like we’ve abandoned ourselves, and can’t remember the last time we felt passionate and alive, that’s about more than just work. That’s indicative of deep, non-contextual inner work that needs to be focused on first: Healing old wounds, learning to process emotions in a healthy way again, resetting our nervous systems, establishing a sense of self, learning how to trust ourselves and sometimes something bigger than ourselves. And when we become *that* person, the happy career is the byproduct of that.

That’s the work we do in coaching. And, because you don’t have a disposable income right now, that’s also work that a good counselor/therapist can help you do. And those types of services are generally more accessible, since insurance can cover it and there’s often a sliding scale. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend going with the first person you find, because not everyone’s approach/style might resonate with you! But it sounds to me like you might very much benefit from someone who can help you dredge up some gunk and get you reconnected with who you are (and if I were you, that’s exactly what I’d tell anyone I was considering working with, as a gauge to see how they could support me!).

I know this isn’t the easy answer, but that’s because this issue is incredibly nuanced and complexed, and acting like there’s a quick fix would be doing your question a disservice!

[Rachel E]

P.S. Brittany, your question has given me an idea, and I’m going to email you about it! Just a heads up. 🙂

[ReginaldSalazar]

Hello,

I am currently taking the short course (almost finished) and I have learned so much about myself. I cannot wait to finish and eventually start my journey.

I am a Thriver. I was mesmerized at how this job type resonated with me. In the section “When it’s time for a new career”, it was mentioned that you are either growing or dying. I had a question regarding that.

First a little background: My first job was at a large biotechnology company, I worked with a team making pharmaceuticals. We were close, got stuff done and work felt like it was hanging out with friends. It had its ups and downs but I felt like I could do this forever. Unfortunately, there were serious layoffs and I went to another biotech company in the same job role. The new place had its issues but I felt the same way as the first company. There were layoffs there and off to my third biotech. Biotech #3 had a lot of stability, I was there for 10 years. The beginning was like the first two, in a team with great people getting things done. I was passionate, happy and it felt like there were plenty of opportunities. Then I progressed to a leadership role and lastly a technical support role. I did it to climb the ladder and the pay didn’t hurt either. Then I hit a wall. My job roles leading the team and being an individual contributor felt very lonely. I was unhappy, stressed and felt un-fulfilled. It also felt like I was too tied to my job (I was on call as well). Couple that with a change in culture and I left. I am trying a new industry and after starting the course realize that it is not for me. It is a technical job where you are on your own fixing and maintaining equipment. I like the physical work but it is very lonely and I always feel like I have to be connected to support customer issues. I started the course because I feel lost and realize I needed to find out more about myself. I also don’t want to leave and intend to give the job more time.

I don’t know if it is nostalgia or if I did get my job role right at the beginning of my career but those times when I was on a team were when I was happiest and most passionate. It feels like I cannot recreate those happy feelings of when I was on a team.

To bring it back to the question about growing or dying, if there is a job, it pays enough and I’m happy, is it a bad thing if I don’t want to move up or climb the ladder?

Thank you for your insight and a great course.

Sincerely,
Mr. Content or Complacent

[Rachel E]

Hello Mr. Content/Complacent! 🙂

We’re so glad you’re learning a lot about yourself! And from reading this note, it’s clear to me you have a lot of insight about what does and doesn’t work for you. But it’s sometimes hard for us to see it, so allow me to point it out for you!

First of all, it’s definitely not a bad thing to not want to move up or climb the ladder! In fact, that’s a very normal Thriver desire. And keep in mind, climbing the ladder does NOT necessarily mean “growth.” Growing has to be on YOUR terms, first and foremost. One person’s definition of growth is another’s definition of stagnation! Climbing the ladder may very well feel like dying to you, and that would be totally fair.

YOU get to decide to growth means for you. And for Thrivers, growth happens very frequently outside of their career. The job provides for the rest of their life, and they pursue things outside of work that fulfill them, stretch them, and make them feel like they’re growing!

I also want to point out that you said, “I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or if I did get my job role right at the beginning…” It seems to me that there’s a very strong correlation between when you were happy at work and when you had connection and an enjoyable team environment. Inversely, you seem way less contented when you’re lonely–a word you used multiple times in one paragraph! So, I think your next job should be less about what you do, and more about finding a situation that fosters connection and dispels loneliness. 🙂

[ReginaldSalazar]

Thank you Rachel! Wow, I never considered personal growth in that way. I really appreciate the perspective and I am so glad I am taking the course!

[Rachel E]

You’re so welcome! 🙂

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