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#644
Annabelle
Participant

Hi again, my apologies for such a delayed response. I’ve read yours a few times over the last few weeks, but wasn’t sure what to say yet/how to proceed! It was really helpful though, especially the reminder to go over the course as much as I need, and to break the action points down further. I’m also definitely thinking about 1:1 coaching, and just submitted my responses to that waiting list application!

I think I’ve been trying to build myself up in other parts of my life/getting distracted by trying to juggle things and not really getting anywhere; and some overwhelm (and paralysis) has been coming from putting off thinking about job stuff- as if it’s some separate entity from the rest of my life (maybe worried I’d over-focus on it and everything else would be left by the wayside, as has happened in the past). Also, in the mentality of thinking I have to hold it all, and figure job/passion/big picture stuff out before taking action, I’ve perhaps felt too daunted to think more about it.

Anyway, I felt like I’d lost momentum, but maybe I needed some time to digest/do other things, and the last few days I went back through the course v thoroughly and I’m feeling more focused and less overwhelmed! I have a list of job/setting options I can eliminate (from my non negotiables), and a list of the needs+nice to haves, and a list of the things I’m interested in doing+ideal work setting. I also have a more concise/doable list of action steps.
It was also really cool going back over the course and realizing I’ve already made progress challenging/unraveling some of the limiting beliefs I had at the start of the course! My plan is to at least weekly revisit/check in with limiting beliefs and examine/reframe them, almost like doing the dishes- I think a few are so ingrained I just keep needing to scrub away!

Lastly, to share/process (hope it’s ok!) a current aha wondering:
One belief I’ve had is I shouldn’t move city/country right now since I need the stability and support to live the life I want to, and because of covid. I’ve been thinking I can’t lose my therapist, friends, wider community; but just yesterday I thought woah- I’m a hummingbird; I’m someone who thrives on growth and variety as well as community/stability, and I deeply desire to feel passionate/care about the work I do. So maybe those things have become almost like crutches, bringing a false sense of safety even when I’m not living the life I want/need, even when they’re not actually as good as I keep hoping they might be.
Anyway, now I’m wondering if, as long as I’m intentional about only living places I can find those supports and the things I know I need- I think I need to be open to looking more widely for that next job.
I’m scared since I desperately want to actualize other parts of my life, and I find it really hard to build up community/friends let alone date. I don’t want to lose the good things about being where I am. BUT. I think I have been and will continue to settle, just trying to actualize the non-paid/non-work parts of my life, trying to heal/grow parts of me too, but not trying to/allowing myself to take steps to find the right job. I think life will keep passing me by, I might keep coasting, if I keep putting it off.
So I’m trying to/would like to keep building up my life, and stop putting off the job search/experiment. I’d like to recognize the fear coming from all the past rejections/years not getting my dream job, but remind myself I’m in a different place now, and I have these clear tools to screen for jobs that will work for me. I also have more self awareness and acceptance than I’ve ever had, and this is just the start. So what if I could find jobs that excite me, that fit all the parts of me and what I want, AND in the process (re)learn to live with passion that might just inspire the rest of my life.
I guess it’s about believing and then trying to live (and learn to live) a life where job is integrated with the rest of my life, where it all feels like living and one doesn’t get in the way of the other.

Ok, that was longer than expected. Thanks so much:)