Hey Jen,
No worries! I wasn’t able to post in the PPSC forum for a while due to technical difficulties, so I’m glad I’m able to respond now (so far) with no issues. 🙂 I’m glad that, at the heart of things, it sounds like you *are* clear on what you want, it’s just a matter of being understandably sad to let another piece of your life, that’s clearly meant a lot to you, go. I think the idea to “leave no stone unturned” makes sense; at the very least, if flying out to CA doesn’t ultimately change anything, then you’ll know you did all you could.
Something I like to keep in mind in my life is this–the easier things come to you, the more likely they’re the right thing for you. The harder something is to maintain or make happen (particularly if it feels like running uphill, or pulling teeth, or forcing something into fruition), the more that’s a sign it’s probably not the right thing for you. And sometimes the hardest part is that we really WANT to enjoy the thing that’s hard; we really want it to work out, becuase logically it feels like it should. So, my nugget of wisdom for you is this: It’s OK to be sad if something you really want to happen just isn’t happening. It’s OK to mourn that and be angry about it, even. AND … have faith that if something isn’t working, and it’s just never easy, that maybe there’s something better, more fruitful, and more aligned with you out there. And allowing things to fall away that aren’t working creates space for things that will, even if you can’t see what they are yet, exactly. We’d love to know how things go, so keep us posted! 🙂